Coexist

As I sit here in the lounge, an imminent all-nighter ahead of me, I find the need to write something. Something honest, without reservation. I don't know exactly what. It just feels like it has been a very long time since I have been able to do that. Everything has been so cryptic. This once was an outlet, a release of emotion, a place to concentrate on only one thing... myself. I have strayed from that. I am returning.

There are only two emotions I know of so far that can truly consume your life. They take every fiber of your being and engulf you. They alter your state of mind and your outlook on most things. They take very simple moments and turn them into something new. They wash over you in an instant without a second to catch your breath. You feel these emotions tingling over every inch of your body. They turn you into someone new. Someone you didn't even know existed. Both of these emotions are physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. It is ironic that these emotions are polar opposites. Love and hate. I have found (neither confirmed nor denied) that these emotions can never coexist. They take to much out of you. You dedicate too much to each of them.
One of them is something beautiful. Something to hold onto.
The other is a waste of life. It turns good moments into something putrid.
There is the need for one and NEVER the need for the other.

I cannot believe how ignorant I have been. There have been beautiful, precious moments passing by. Ones that I will never get back. I will no longer waste time thinking of lost moments but cherish the ones of the future present. I am dedicated to moving on, not with memories of negativity but of lessons learned, and the promise to myself to never let it happen again.

Hatred paralyses life; love release it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it - Martin Luther King Jr.

Big

Yes, yes, yes, I am proud and relieved! phewwww.
it's been a long time coming and although it may be nothing of significance to the world... here in room 203 in alexandria hall at gwynedd-mercy college in the state of pennsylvania located in the united states which is in north america, one of the seven continents on the third rock from the sun in the milky way.... this is a big deal :)

at least maybe one thing will be right with the world.

Well,

I'm sorry.







For everything.










...it's time to fix things.

Me

I challenge myself everyday. To be a better person. To be happier. To not accept limitations. To stand strong in my beliefs. To allow the acceptance of new ones. To stay optimistic. To forgive.To take chances. To push my own limits. I challenge myself everyday.

Through these challenges I have learned that who I am is different from who I was and where I'm going is not where I am.

I am head strong and independent. I am an honest person and a good friend. I am a thrill seeker and a homebody. I am compassionate and sometimes too caring. My outlook on love and relationships started as a defense, but I'm starting to believe it. I am a kick-ass student and I'm going to be an AMAZING teacher. I am a leader and a player at the same time. I have changed. I am not going to stop. No one can take that away from me. So stop trying to make me feel inferior.




Still I am challenging myself to be open-minded. I hate guns..... but to the shooting range I will go.

two

two years spent and two more hurting. too many tears shed, too much damage done.

or.....

two years spent and two more growing. too much lost and much more learned


we're different now.