I developed new friendships that I will cherish for the rest of my life and strengthen ones from the past. I spent a lot of time realizing the difference between acquaintances and true friendship. With some help I managed to find the courage to remove myself from a dreadful living situation. To some this may seem the natural thing to do but for me it took a great deal of strength. I am proud to say that I stood up for myself. Now, I just need to do it more often.
A great deal of time has also been spent restoring myself. To say I was broken is an understatement. I had on a wonderful mask that led people to believe I was okay and my heart mended. It is painful to admit that I was not okay and neither was my heart. There were still the nights I cried myself to sleep and the moments my arms wrapped tightly around my torso to hold me together. Now, as the year is closing I can say I am whole again. I can also say that I am a drastically different person than I was before. I am strong, goal oriented, and for once in my life thinking about what I want. I have ambitions and a new direction. The plans are kind of missing but who the hell cares? Life is suppose to be about living!!!
It is difficult to reflect on the year without noting the boy. Golly gee damn, almost an entire year. He has been just swell… for the most part. I would like to say he has taught me a lot about myself but that would be giving him too much credit. I am the one responsible for my growth. I learned a lot about myself because of our non-relationship relationship. Yes, there were moments of doubt, question, trial, and error, but I am grateful for every second of it. Although where we are now was never apart of the plan, it reminded me that sometimes you just have to go with the flow and stop trying to plan everything. I have allowed my feelings to grow, all the while holding tight to my pessimistic outlook on love. I am still cautious but no longer pessimistic. It is another part of growth throughout this year.
Another party worth noting would be my family. I wasn’t always close with them the way I am today. Throughout the year I have even further strengthened the bond between mom-mom and me. I have also again start to trust my mother. It is nice to be able to confide in her. We are not perfect and we still have a lot to get through but we are stronger. Working through the trials of this past year has reminded us how important we are to each other. With all of this so evident it is hard to deny the one relationship that is still strained. My sister and I are … hopeless. I’ve never had the sister relationship that most girls experience and that isn’t going to change any time soon. In this up coming year I do not hope to become closer with her because that would be like waiting for rain in a draught. Instead, I will just hope to be able to accept it and salvage the civility and respect we once had.
When thinking to this upcoming year I can’t help but be nervous. There are many inevitable changes on the horizon, as well as amazing strides toward my future. I will be taking and passing (I won’t accept failure) the praxis, three more to be exact. I will complete my last semester of TAP and move forward to pre-student teaching, another step in my career journey. There is the most exciting twenty-first birthday quickly approaching as well as number one on my bucket-list. Hopefully, I will be able to successfully cross of many other things as well. Yet again I am faced with white blank pages to be filled with amazing memories.
For now, I will enjoy the company and the drinks as I ring in the next year. The celebration will continue long into the night and be picked up in the morning for another full day.
I have decided that New Years resolutions are a waste of time. If you want to improve the person you are you shouldn’t wait for a New Year you should just do it. Having a resolution is like bragging about your flaws and then saying “Oh look I’m awesome and going to be more awesome by fixing my flaws.” Guess what… you’ll forget about it by February… why set yourself up for failure so early in the year?
Happy New Year loves<3
To another
