Jello

It's been a while. In a way I have nothing to say. At the same time, I have EVERYTHING to say.

There have been no serious developments in my life. Things remain the same. That can be taken as a good thing or a bad one. Things have not gotten any better and on the bright side they haven't gotten any worse either. My cousin is still fighting for her life, she's putting up a good one. Fighting like she's Ali in the 12th round going for the knockout, I just don't know if she's strong enough to pull it off. It's a scary thought but it is much easier to come to terms with the worst of things and hope for the best than to have the rug pulled out from under you. * deep breath * no matter which way the cookie crumbles things are going to be okay, i have to believe in that.

I had a momentary lapse from reality which was nice. I spent the weekend with friends. I knew I missed them but I didn't realize quite how much until we spent hours laughing and talking and pulling our usual shenanigans. For one weekend, life was good. I smiled, a genuine smile that wasn't just painted on my face to ease the worries of my mother. I laughed, a heart filled laugh as I relaxed a little and felt my own worries slowly fade away. We laid on the beach and played in the water. "Over, over, over. NO ! UNDER!! " ooh, that certainly was fun.

While I was lost in all of this  life indeed was still going on. I was quickly snapped back to reality to take care of some business. Good ol' Gwynedd decides that I am no longer in financial need of the Gwynedd Mercy College Scholarship.... *tttffff tffff tffff * thats the sound of $4,000 flying away. Well, LATER money. Awesomeeee. sweeeeet. this is just efffin swelll !!!! ugh, I'll figure it out. I really could join a circus with my amazing juggling skills.

At this particular moment I'm lying on the couch STARVING because of this stupid all liquid diet. Waiting to shit my brains out. Doing all of this to find out tomorrow if life as I know it will do a 180. Yeah soo this will be fun? "Its the beginning of the end of your problems" thanks doc, that really eases my tension. When I finally come around I have to go to the cafeteria get something to eat and go get blood work done. exactly what Im gonna wanna do. eat shitty cafe food after 30 hours of not eating and then go upstairs to pass out. yes, passing out is inevitable. There will be needless and blood involved. it's a fact of life and I'm okay with that... I guess. is it sad that last time I was thinking about edward cullen? HAH i'm so lame.

But, all of the bullshitting aside. I'm scared. I dont know what to make of any of this. I know that I must wait for the proper diagnoses even though the doctor knows, my dad knows, my family knows, and i know what it is thats wrong with me. I guess the waiting is what sucks.

well, lemon jello is calling my name. I don't think I will ever be able to enjoy a cup of jello again after today. that is truly a shame because it's a snack i use to enjoy.


...to another day down