diagnosis

Woooooosh : may the flood gates open.

In case you haven't noticed I've been having a little bit of a difficult time this summer. Until now. Yep, now I'm drowning. That awful feeling when a wave catches you off gaurd, you lose your footing, and don't know which end is up. You just keep on swimming until finally you hit the bottom. *bloop bloop bloop* Well, later last breath of air. Yep, I'm drowning.


How about I explain a little more....
After starving all day Sunday I had to drink this wonderful cherry drank [barffff... i will never enjoy another cherry vodka drink again]. Everytime my mom walked into the room with another 10oz I told her she was a satin woman. That made her laugh ... didn't have quite the same effect on me. So, got all 64oz of that nastyyyness down and enjoyed the effects of that until 2am.... wonderful.
Monday : Up bright and early off to the doctors. starvingg like a marvin and *flick* there goes the switch... the one that controls my nerves and anxiety. For the past few days its been firmly in the off postion. I've been cool, calm, and collected... for the most part. Perfect timing for a panik attack as we are pulling in front of the vallet guy. he is giving me a very odd look as I am in the front seat, hyperventalating, with my head between my knees. AWESOME. After what felt like forever I convinced myself it was time to get my shit together and *flick* there goes the switch again. convinient.
Get called back, put on the stylin hospital gown, and the super warm non-slip socks [ I stole took them home witl me ;)  ] The dumb-ass lady who called me back had marked me down as an upper and lower hmm NOOO ! Thank god I left my book in the waiting room or else I wouldn't have been looking at the chart and noticed... i mean i'm sure that wouldda been a ton of fun right? Had some waterworks on and off as reality continued to seep deeper and deeper beyond the walls of "not thinking about it" that I had put up. Mmmmm then the happy drugs kicked in. In this beautiful world of la la I got some peaceful sleep for the first time in a while. It ended much too quickly.
*Snap* back to reality. Diagnosis : Ulcerative colitis in all 6ft of my large intestine. What does this mean? First and foremost, it's a forever kind of thing. Next, it is not in my small intestine which means it is not Chrons... just Chron's little brother. For being Chron's little brother it is the worst case senario... all 6 feet which means the future it will most likely get worse [ cross that bridge when i come to it ] further drilling the forever thing into my head

*inhale*exhale*inhale*exhale*inhale*exhale.  WOOAAAH. ugh. wtf?! really. okay. i got this... i think.
This means soooo much is about to change. *bloop bloop bloop* there goes that last breath. gone... laterrrrr. i really don't think I can take much more.


Hah, I act like I have a choice. I'm scared... seems to be a trend right now.  Things are changing quickly and I no sooner get my footwork when the rug gets pulled out from under me again. It's okay. Life Lesson : Do something everyday that scares you. That means tomorrow I will awaken from my slumber to the first day of my "rest of my life" medication. 2 pills in the morning and 3 at lunchtime. it could be much worse, so thats my silver lining? ooooh, and i gotta be extra special careful when consuming alcohol because my liver... yeah it might hate me some day. liver disease, kidney disease, colon cancer, OH MY ! again, we shall cross that bridge when we get ther. Better buckle up ladies and gentlemen its going to be a bumpy ride. =(








...to another day down