My life is still spinning round and round making it nearly impossible for me to get my bearings. I feel like I just stepped out of the teacups at an amusement park, wobbly and not really sure which direction I'm facing. Its cool. I had a good friend give me some words of wisdom. "Magic Happens in the Summer" *exhale* I do not exactly know what to make of that but in light of some very new developments in my life I'm just gonna go with it. Its summer ... and I will enjoy it to its full potential.
Which, I have had trouble doing so far. I had the XTU concert this weekend and drank wayyy too much. I dropped my phone in a cup of liquor. Had to be carried to the car at the end of the night. Lost my wrislet (which was graciously mailed back to me - thank you Susquehanna bank center) nd i dont even remember montgomery gentry, which is was I had waited for the whole time !!! So to sum it up ...SUCCESS aha.
I have been handling this whole re-befriending thing very well. It got a little fuzzy but I set everything straight. I'm not sure who i was convincing.. him or me? All in all... I am in control and it feels comfortable here. We hang out and everything is very carefree and natural but every time he leaves I get this awful twinge in my stomach like I am doing something wrong. I know your suppose to trust your instincts but I feel like its just my self defense mechanism... I haven't decided whether or not to keep ignoring it or to trust it and run the opposite way. But like I said I'm just going to go with it and wait until I find a clear answer. I wont stress over it too much. I have to admit being able to write all of this down makes it a lot easier. Much has changed since that first and second entry about the situation, I have to remember to take it all into consideration... how i felt then.. how i feel now... and how this is going to effect me in the future no matter what path it takes. It is a lot to consider but I trust myself and the lessons I have learned. This is going to be a good thing one way or another.
Lots of happy things however. I met up with an old friend from middle school and we caught up. I really enjoyed hanging out with him. We walked all through this park in Haddon Heights ... it was GORGEOUS !! We came up to this part of the park that had an outdoor stage with stadium seating installed into the rocks. I was awestruck by it and it was very clear on my face. He pulled me up the stairs and twirled me all around. It was like something out of a movie. Normally, I shy away from those types of things. Tonight.. I enjoyed it. I see a change in me. There can only be one explanation for it... but it's in Maine :) Something just feels right. I'm not talking about this kid I hung out with or anything to do with my re-budding friendship with a previously poisonous person. Its something else. Something about me and who I have become.. it just feels right. I am finally enjoying the person I have become and not just simply excepting it. I still believe that there are many things in my life that I must adjust but I am in no hurry to do it anymore. If i have learned anything from the past 6 months its that things will happen in time. People will grow in time. People will heal in time. Things will change in time. So i will enjoy as much as I can as time passes and things happen, grow, heal, and change. I'll keep letting my head spin round and round like I have just gotten of the teacups. I'll just give time, some time.
...To another day down
HI! So I finally read teacups & I think you're right. It's all bout time and letting everything take its course. Another thing that you're right about is being changed by a person. Remember when we all looked at the "type of friend" site. It got me thinking and it's so true. People come in and out of your life for a reason, to teach you a lesson or to put you on the right path or to make you realize things you've never thought before. Once they're done helping you, they leave. Not necessarily a good thing all the time, but you never really realize what they've done for you until they aren't there anymore. I'm so glad that you've finally found a point in life where you're being carefree and discovering a new you. I loveeeeee you =]
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