CHANGE

I am very aware that I am not one who accepts change very easily. But this is much worse then the transition out of high school into college. For the first time in my life, I was truly settled. I was strengthen friendships with the best group of friends who I could finally be myself around. Yay to real friends. No sooner did things come together when we were all split for the summer leaving me with an uneasy feeling in my stomach.
My return home wasn't much easier either. This transition into living under my parents roof again is ... ugh dreadful! I still don't think it has completely sunk in that this isn't a week long spring break.. its 3 months! AHHH. And this summer I don't have the boyfriends house to escape to when it becomes to much. Being home has already opened my eyes up to a lot. A lot of things that have changed. With out the distraction of an excruciatingly time consuming relationship I have made time to see my friends who never really left my side. Up until now, I felt very alone every time I thought about home but this past week I realize I was never alone. I've heard many comments about how I haven't been around much and that when I was around it was always like my head was somewhere else. No wonder why no one ever had the time for me.. I was miserable. Now that I have my head back and there's an honest smile hanging on my face more pieces of my life are falling back together. I'm becoming me again.... I don't think of my self as broken anymore... I like it.
I was able to confidently arrange a meeting with the boy who managed to distort my image of men to an almost crippling level. Yes everyone advised me against this meeting. And prior to this meeting someone accused me of still having feelings for this boy. I realized, they were right. He was a big part of my life and I will always care about him differently than i care about anyone else. Yes, i may still have feeling for the boy i fell in love with when I was 14 years old. But, we're not 14 anymore. The boy I knew then is long gone, with little hope of resurfacing..... and I don't want to find him. ACCOMPLISHMENT =) We met, we talked, and I walked away undamaged. YAY ME!!!!
Then I went to my friend Marissa's parents 25th anniversary and spent time with 3 of my best friends in middle school. We haven't seen each other in years. After only a few moments of catching up we were laughing, joking, dancing, and strolling down memory lane like we had never missed a beat. It was easy to see that the bond we formed back then was a true friendship. It felt nice. Moved from there to a gathering with friends from high school... simply stated - I know why i hated high school. Bridal shower today was wonderful, minus my mother bashing my sisters boyfriend to her best friends... oh drama.

I'm currently watching Breakfast at Tiffany's, experiencing a knot in my stomach and longing for that late night viewing a few weeks back. Oh, how I love this movie regardless. I parallel much of my life with Holly Golightly. Hmmm, curiouser and curiouser

 "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness."




to another day down....